Hypersomnia

Hello! It's 2024, and I am now 26, turning 27 on March. I haven't published anything I've written on here because I felt a little cringe putting my thoughts out. I now kinda realize it's my only output. Alot of things happeneded, and are still happening. I have written about my kids on here but never published because I wanted a quiet life. But right now my life has been too quiet. It's me and my thoughts, and the people that hate me and then my kids. I have always felt like that. That everyone hates me, for no reason at all. Just me, projecting how despicable I think of myself onto others. I am great in my own way. But, I suck at socializing and at this point in time i feel like I would just never recover from my introvert ways. I have healed a great big deal and I have become so self-aware that I wish I hadn't come all this way. It's lonely at the top. So, my mind finds ways to spiral down. I slept more than 24 hours again today. Not quite sure how much of the exhaustion that took, but in biological way, I hope it helped. There's so much to repair and I don't know if I should just step on the gas and just enjoy the ride, and let it all crash if it will crash. Someone asked me why I speak in riddles. I found it funny, because yeah, I do. It's a way of hiding how long and scary the situtation is. So I summarize and it ends up in a riddle. Oh well. Time to step on the gas.

The truth

Why does the truth have two sides of it?

More importantly, most of the time a part of it's always twisted.

Yet it keeps people sanitized.

But isn't a fraud truth just a lie?

In our search of the truth, maybe it will always be different for everyone.

Your truth differs from mine and mine is different than yours.

Is the real truth at the midpoint? Would we get there?

And if we did, will it change anything?

Will it leave us as better people if we acquire such un-acquiring end point?

Or will it be the other way?

You see, the truth is always depicted of as being hurtful, hence the term: "The truth hurts"

So white lies are often made. But how often are white lies just <i>really</i> white lies?

Is there such need for a world that already has so much ambiguity and even more so, deception?

And here we have something called, "The truth shall set you free."

Ahh. The webs we weave for ourselves.

Clarity can be unobtainable. We can say the search for the truth is the least unobtrusive thing man can. ever think of.

But I think communication and an open, ready heart that understands will often diminish the circumstances of the truth being damaging.

Theres always a side of things that should be given a better light. For the sake of understanding and being understood.

There is nothing wrong with not lying to yourself. Let it hurt. And let it go.

Humans are the most capable in this realm of truth we are set in.

There's no use hiding things from yourself and not forgiving yourself.

It only conflicts the subconscious relationship you have with your soul.

Breathe. Your time is now. The truth exists, if only you'll let it.

Farewells

Hi! It's been a while, as usual, what's new, I always do this lol

So yeah, things are great. The first few weeks was kinda rough but I think I'm regaining my balance.

I got work again woohoo! I also met a lot of people :)

I really like the things panning out for me.

It sure is great to have company but, I think I have enough right now.

As of love matters, uh... things are so-so.

I don't know if I need that kind of attention at the moment.

But it's cool that people are appreciating me hahaha!

Well, yeah I'm writing this because, one I think I've changed a lot.

Since my last post, even more so in these past few weeks.

I feel invincible, fearless, almost rid of things that can break me.

Oh. I've got sad news tho, I re-homed my cats.

All of them, they have new owners.

I'm starting out a life I want to live. I think it's important to let go of things that you can't take with you where you're going next.

I love them with all of my heart, but I think they deserve better people that will take care of them better.

Also I am moving out on my own. This time without my sisters.

I am very excited tho lol

I hope I find greater things along my journey.

Magi said life should be enjoyed today. That's what I'm gonna try to do.

There's no use fretting over the past and the future.

It's like what they say, the past is over and the future's not promised.

What you have, is now. Better work on it.

I thank everyone and everything that fueled me into this.

Pain is the best evoker / kindler. Without it you will never know what relief is like.

I am glad to have gone through what I did. All the depression and anxiety.

I'm set forth in a better path. UwU ♥

So, farewell to the farewells, I am off to greet more hellos~

Dear You

Hello. 

You may or may not ever get to read this. But nonetheless I'd write it anyway.

This is for you, who made my days shine like the big blue sky.

You were as sure as day and as peaceful as night.

This is for you, who always found a way to make my heart smile.

Even in the darkest of dawns and the loneliest hours.

To you, who in my great days, made everything the best.

You bring out my best.

You came into my life, one day when I was sad.

He wasn't worth tears. They all weren't my fears.

But you were. And I cried every night.

But not the day. The days you made me glad.

Then you left me, one day, you made me sad.

This is not about them. This is us.

I was the one who lacked trust?

I want you to understand, I loved you with everything I had.

Each time you made me feel bad,

You took away pieces I worked to had.

Dear you.

One day you were all I ever had.

You didn't know. Because I'll never let you know.

I worked hard not to make you center.

How foolish of me. You always were.

I hate men.

Because I saw how they're ego driven.

They thought being truly loved by women would make them superior even.

I'm telling you.

There's much more to love than the ideals.

Learn to believe in the superficial.

Loving someone with all I am is the only way I know how to love. 

If I was loved like this, I would be blessed.

Men will think the woman is whipped.

Such bullshit you have.

Dedication is being whipped.

Adoration is being obssessed.

Passion is being dramatic. 

Your mind is feeble. 

One day maybe you'd find someone, just like he did.

Maybe it wouldn't be me, because for him I wasn't.

But you'll see her. You'll know.

The way someone would laugh would intoxicate.

The way their eyes shine in the dark would make you go crazy before closing yours.

When that happens, I pray, oh I dearly pray she doesn't break your heart. 

Because it ruins people. It ruins your soul.

I hope you wouldn't ever know.

Sometimes I wonder if I pushed you away too far.

But sometimes I wonder if you just never even planned to stay near. 

And also please know that if you really did, you would've tried.

Like I did every night.

I'm entering a chapter where my past wouldn't matter.

I'm leaving you there. Don't hate me.

I have to move forward.

Although I always wished I would with you. 

But I was told some people cannot go where I'm being taken next.

Because they don't want to probably.

But nonetheless, thank you.

I appreciate everything you did for me and me alone.

But yeah, life does go on.

I'm changing from now on. 

I'm not gonna be the same person. 

I hope you don't look for her. Please don't look for her. She's safe now.

Be happy. Live. 

Denzel x

2015 WISHLIST

Hallu durrrrrrrrr

I'm hypomanic again, shhh, don't tell my doctor I don't need her anyway i feel incredible LOL

But yeah Hi. Again. It's me. I was wondering if atter all these years you'd like to meet? Lololol i'm jking it's from Adele's Hello, geddit? No, okay, pshaw! Fine. Buzzkill.

It is true I have gotten my most wonderfull gift this christmas which was a new kitty cat (check tag Lülu Anais) but yesh, I'm back this year with another wishlist. 

This will also work for my bday wishlist for March 06 :3 haha

I'll just. List them this year bc i'm just on ipod. 

IDC IF THEYRE NEW OR NOT OPENED OR NOT :) HAHAHA 

1. DJ SONA AND SNOW DAY SYNDRA SKIN

Uhm well yeah? I'm a badass Syndra player hands down. But sona, i just want it badly. Please.

2. Rune Factory 4 and Harvest Moon: A Tale of Two Towns

Idk if i've posted it last year bu i still want it. Missed Nintendo eshop sale. Bought a cat instead. Worth. But still want em. Please?

3. Romaric Walker

looooooooooooooool shhhhhh don't tell i'm gonna ruin Christmas for you and your angkan.

4. MASHIMARO BED!

Fuck. You know those totoro huge ass beds i want a mashimaro one please.

5. Whiskas Cat Food. And Kitty Litter.

Economical. Fuck yeah.

6. Animal Crossing: Happy Home Designer

:( :( :( please? :3

7. Horror / Suspense Fiction books or books in general

I haven't read for a while. :( Please anything neil gaiman / michael faudet / lang leav will work 

8. ART SUPPLIES

give me paint, i'll take it. Staedtler / Fabed-Castell pencils are much appreciated hahhaha 

Hmm i'm running out of wishes. God gave me fucktons this year. So blessed. Thank You Lord <3

9. Anything white. 

Don't think green. I said white, bitch. Even paper is fine. Lol

10. 10 million pesos

Thx

Last year of being 18 woohooooo i love hate this year but made it

Sticker by my baby cousins. I'll burn them.

New kitty <3 Lülu Anais the Smoke Blue Doll Face Persian Cat

Okay breh, I agree she looks grumpy.

But trust me she's like the nicest kitty ever.

I really wanted a new cat for Christmas since my poor baby Kohl is gone and prayed God that I find a new cat to love.

In a matter of DAYS, bruh, DAYYSSSS (though it kinda felt like years ofc bc it's a new kitty!) He gave me my wish.

Ang lakas ko kay God grabe diba.

I don't think I ever told you about Koi though :( 

Basically I got him from the streets February 2015, he was a small baby cat about 2-3months old and he had a broken tail which was still bleeding.

He appeared from my doorstep out of nowhere and Me, I really wanted a black cat, I gave him spaghetti. He ate it. And was nice about letting me touch him.

So I asked my cousin to grab him to my house and I fed him eggs and made him a box (which he outgrew a few weeks and started sleeping in my bed)

He was a very playful kitten. Left me with scratches and love and tears and depression when he was thrown out by my annoying af uncle.

Now back to my new cat.

I was really sad about Koi and felt very very lonely and alone. 

So i decided and hoped for a gray/blue cat. I looked for russian blues but theyre too expensive bc they're rare af.

I came across persian cats bc they were the ones mostly sold.

I searched thoroughly online to find the prettiest yet cheapest I could. I mostly wanted a gray or white or black one. Possibly pure and nice.

I got all of it in one. Lol and very cheap. She was being sold for 3,500php near me with her partner a a pure doll face persian calico male. Which is still available. 

But I haggled out and got her for 2,500 also because the Lady named Jane Alyssa is very nice :)

I can't lie. She looked very neglected and the owner stated she can't take care of them anymore.

Her name was originally Lulu and that surprised me bc league of legends, duh. 

I really wanted to name her Anais. Bc I wanted her name to mean grace. As in God's Grace. 

But the babycat responds to being called Lulu so I named her Lülu Anais :)

She's a bit shy. But very affecionate. 

My grabdma hates pets. But when Lülu meowed at her with her non existent meow sound which is like a lip sync, she found her cute and was very protective of her.

The owner also said she's pregnant. I was half scared and half excited. BUT I don't think she is to be honest. 

She said she's supposed to be pregnant since August. But that's just bullshit. Cats are only prego for less than 2 months at most.

I gave her kitten food just incase she is but she's not taking it well with blood on her loose stools.

So I might just go back to giving her adult dry, canned and raw food. 

But yeah she's a really cool lap cat and likes sleeping on the floor. Oh and she's approx 1 years old btw. She's a big girl.

Here's some pictures from today. (Her eyes yellow orange eyes are just reflecting light)

Okay. Next post: END OF THE YEAR WISHLIST!!!! <3

Thank you for reading! Hope you didnt get bored much.

The Irony in Social Networking Sites

"What's on your mind?"

"What's happening?"

"What's going on?"

Few of the things we see before we type or post anything on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook.

The purpose of why we post stuff on the internet varies from person to person, but why, in some cases do we get... what's the right word?

Discriminated? Probably. Discriminated about posting what's actually happening and what's literally on our minds?

For example, we post feelings on facebook like this..

Allie Hamilton: feeling empty 😶

And one or two people would instantly react, maybe not actually post it or tell you but in their minds they would be like..

Oh my god, why is this person such a drama queen.

What's happening to this person couldn't really be that bad.

Why do you have to post stuff like that?

That's not interesting, keep your problem to yourself.

Attention seeker.

Doing it all for the likes.

This is why I don't post stuff like that, see, it looks stupid.

Stuff like this.

Honestly, tell me you haven't thought ANY of those lines ever before?

You probably have, or not, if you say so.

And for me, I think it's NOT RIGHT.

By "not right" I mean that we shouldn't be thinking bad stuff about other people posting the stuff that's literally on their mind and happening.

Why do we ridicule others so much and not think.... Geez, it's ridiculous that I'm ridiculing other people for being ridiculous on facebook but I'm clearly missing the point that THIS IS WHAT IS FACEBOOK FOR, FOR SAYING WHAT'S ON SOMEONE'S MIND.

Damn it. Let us not be judgemental and critical.

Seriously, just unfriend or unfollow.

No matter how ignorant a post gets as long as it's not hurting, damaging, harassing, involving anyone and anything that shouldn't be done so, we shouldn't really give a shit about their shit. 

Let them do their shit, yeah? Lol

Because it's what it is for. The sole purpose of it's existence.

Facebook and Twitter asked them that before they posted, get it over with.

If you wanted to see funny posts, go to 9gag. Not advertising.

I dunno I'm just rambling. I just.. can't sleep lol

Here let's take a chill pill. Lolol

IG: @DearestDenziiee

Lows

I hate talking about this. I really do.

But something in me tells me I should.

In the past post somewhere I told you I don't know whether I have bipolar disorder.

Because yeah, the past two months have been crazy for me to the point i had to go back to hell and see if it's any better here.

Aaaaand i think I have transitioned from my very high highs to my really low lows again.

Part of me accepted long ago that this happens and will happen quite alot.

But when you get mania you feel like everything's gonna be okay. You're amazing, you can handle everything.

And that led me to go here, take on AALLLL these adult tasks... and two months from then........

I have not achieved anything.

Yeap. It. All. Went. Spiraling. Down. Once. Fucking. Again.

Being hopeful when you're on the lowest side of the pole isn't gonna happen.

I keep wondering where the old I can do anything me went.

And I don't know if I'm just trying to justify myself with this bipolar thing or I'n just a failure.

I seriously will not be okay if this goes on. 

History has repeated itself. It's that long loooong year I don't have anything happening all over again.

I might delete this but i'll let it stay here

Star Guardian Lux and Fnatic Janna

Okay okay contain myself....

Here it goes.........................................

BY THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP WE WILL PUNISH THE EVIL THAT IS THE ENEMY TEAM <3 - lilypichu on youtube

Scream loudly kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~~~ ;w;

I haz SG Lux like wtffff.

I am Sailor Freaking Moon now, officially, as words of Aira my bae-con. /geddit?/

THIS BABYGIRL IS MY BABYGIRL

MINEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOL

BABY THAT RECALL IS SO BAE

THAT FUCKING ULTI IS KAWAII AF

DOES ANYONE AT ALL UNDERSTAND MY SATISFACTION OF OWNING THIS JEWEL HAHAHAHA FML i'm a sad human being

Here so you could see how tf it really looks like at this link:

 STAR GUARDIAN LUX SKIN SPOTLIGHT <3

smh tbh Lilypichu and her "Well, a "double rainbow" is a phenomenon of optics that displays a spectrum of light due to the sun shining on droplets of moisture in the atmosphere. Does that explain it?"  IN A REALLYYYYYY ANNOYING CUTE VOICE made me want this fucking troll champion and troll skin :<

I LOVE ET! LOL

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But yeah HI! I just missed my blog and suddenly wanted to rant about my latest and final *probably* skin I would get without a sale.

As most of you know if we're frinds on fb I have wasted a fuckton 2k for looking for DJ Sona just last month AND SHE NEVER APPEARED

Result was I have multiple skins for all my champs. :'( I no even want all but janna

I have completed the skins of these in search for DJ FREAKING SONA:

Syndra

Lissandra

Ashe (yes)

Jinx

Nami (oh hell yeah that mermaid skin i love it I almost main Nami now btw)

Jayce (fuck this champion okay I don't even fucking use it! hahahaha i got it off of GAS spin)

aaaaaaand

JANNA my baby <3 (just today and with an exception of Victorious bc i haven't been that long in game)

but boyyyyyyyyyyyyy am i glad they released Fnatic Janna again or else I would have continued trying my luck to get it in misery gift :( lolol i made that up

It was the perfect day to get my last janna skin bc it's soooo freaking windy today hahaha

It's like her saying hey, buy me or nah~ woosh woosh~

lolol sorry

So far I love my league account and it;s up for sale. :)

YES! You heard that right :)

Selling my league account for 6,500php :)

Considering the effort and amount i have played on it and the fucktons of skins it has i think its a fair price.

Hahaha XD

But yeah, email me @ aegyoenchatress@gmail.com for that :P

ALSO IT'S MY DEAREST MOMMY'S BIRTHDAY AGAIN <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY SHY THESE SKINS WOULD NEVER BE MINE IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU LOLOLOL

And yeah.

KISSY KISSY FROM MY PRETTY MOMMY AND FAT ME :( XD

Thankful~

I'm just happy to get to do what I want.

Like, school consists of drawing, painting, chatting , laughing and eating out.

Home consists of  more drawing, sleeping, playing, worshiping, eating, and anime.

My social circle consists of people I can talk to with whatever I want and I get to look however I want when I'm with them.

Be it talking about "yandere" or just making really ugly faces I only used to show to my mom.

It feels good. Having people around who accept you for who you are.

The best part is that everyday feels like a dream, a really blissful one.

I know for sure that not everyone can go and do stuff what they want leisurely.

And not everyone gets to do what they want for work/school or even at home. Trust me I know.

That's why I want to take this moment, thank God for everything He blessed me with.

For answering my prayers and for giving me things I never even knew I'd need.

And for every little thing He is working on my life right now.

He's making miracles for me everyday.

Did you know that for almost a year now, I wake up the exact same time I want/need to without an alarm clock or anyone to wake me up?

Just praying before I shut my eyes and leaving it all up to Him.

Then when I wake up, I have no idea what decade it is and suddenly, I'd just have enough time o fix myself and my stuff to go to school.

This excludes sometimes when I stay up to like 5am and have to wake up at 6am though. That would be my fault. Haha.

But right now, isn't this what I prayed for last year when I was all depressed, lonely and muddy?

"I want a day when I get to do whatever I want. I want to play all day and blog all night."

"I want a reallllyyyyyyy cute 3DS! And I want someone to play it with~"

"I want cozy nights watching anime."

"I want my own room so I can have my own comfort zone"

Now what?

I study something I love to do

I just played League of Legends and now I'm blogging at 5am

I do have it right now in front of me and I just received a Manaphy from Nikki and late I'm getting my Pokemon: Alpha Sapphire.

I'm currently watching Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun tucked inside my blanket against the chilly weather

I do have my own pink pretty room now too

Simple stuff. BUT- I HAVE THEM ALL. All my prayers were answered.

And I'm really thankful.

How great is He? :) <3

Anyway, that's it for today.

RANDSOM DUCKFACE FEEL CHIO SELFIE

signed,

Dearestdenziiee