How can people be so ungrateful?

You know when you do others favors, and you go all out to help them and lend your strength, you precious time, almost everything you can offer, and not ask anything in return because you're happy to do so..

Instead of hearing atleast a thank you, they repay you by making you feel like you never should have helped them at all at the first place? So annoying right?

You treat them so nicely, not letting your lending hand disappoint them, but still in their hearts they're taking it for granted. Because most of the time they don't ask for it, but you still help.

Why? Because it's the right thing to do and you want to. Also because you think when the same situation happens to you, you could've fel the same way.

What I do not understand is that why must some people go all out their way to make you feel bad right after you help them? It's seriously annoying how some people think so highly of themselves and treat people like they're supposed to help them just because. But refuse to be kind at all.

Being too kind of a person isn't really good after all. You get stomped by other people even if you never did anything wrong, even if you always did right.

But luckily and sadly, my new year's resolution this year is to "fight back" and prevent myself from getting hurt more.
So yes, I've been developing my abrasive side this year.


It's in TEAL, of course! ^_~


This might mean I'll be the meanest, bitchest Denziiee I've ever been. "Pure White Me" was so last year. *so cliché*

I just can't tolerate being silent about stuff like these anymore. 16 years of tolerating everything, not saying anything, not makin a sound, keeping it all inside.
I've just tired my heart out, it was time to build walls.

Kissy kissy,

Denziiee

How I want to treasure someone I like~

It just got me wondering what I want to do for someone I like..

Like, stuff I want to show him. Like a new shirt in the color he likes me to wear.

Perhaps from time to time when I want to see him, I'd go over to his place wearing it to bring him pizza and ice cream and we'd play video games.

I want to be someone who's gonna give equally what I receive. I'd rather tell him I'm coming over than staying at home and not saying anything because he's supposed to see you first. First moves don't matter on stuff like these for me.

I want to be someone he'll never lay a finger on, because I'd never give him any reason to feel like doing so.

I'll let him do what the hell he wants because I am not his mother that feeds him to tell him what not to do.

That's because I never want to be not allowed to go somewhere or go do something I like with the reason "you ain't letting me do sh*t I want either"

We're going to be partners who'll help each other when there's stuff we lack in. We'd fulfill each other's holes and dents.

We won't share everything we do not need to know about each other. Because by the end of the day, we are still two different people.

I will listen to him and be there for him and be the someone he could rely on. I won't judge him for the mistakes he does and the things he lacks.

That's because every flaw and error makes a person who they are supposed to be. And sometimes having certain weakpoints makes a person very unique on his or her own.

I know we'd disagree on things and we'd do things the other one wouldn't be happy of but I'd never let a day go by without sorting stuff out.

We would cry over stuf that makes us feel sad but we'd never cry because we feel lonely and too hurt. We'd treasure each other so much that we won't ever let that happen.

There are also lot's of stuff I want to see with him. We'd travel together every now and then, somewhere not too far away just to see and learn things together.

We'd also stay at home enjoying peace and quiet while watching tv or reading a book together or playing board games or any game.

Some other times we'd stay at our own homes, sleeping all day, separately missing each other and count the days we'd miss and make up for the time we'd lost when we'd meet again.

I would like to keep making him want to see more sides of me like I want to see more expressions of him while we spend our times together growing more mature and stronger.

With this you'd know I have decided to like somebody for who and what he is despite all the stuff he's been through and the things that doesn't make him perfect.

Because, I want to like him for who he is and not what I think he is. There fore I solemnly swear to choose and make sure carefully. *grin*

Won't this be really great? I hope we find our love in the right place and time someday~ and if you already did, I hope you spend your life the way you want to together forever. <3


Kissy kissy. :*

Signed, Dearestdenziiee

Dreams

What do you want to be?

Alot of us have already figured out what we want to be, what we want to do. While alot of us are still trying to decide and some others just don't have a clue yet.

Dreams can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Be it a really really grand and big dream or a little twinkly tiny little one.

They are our goals, wishes, visions and things and stuff and places we want to be or succeed someday or even today.

It is something we hope and we know we can reach. Our personal prayer. Something we treasure and try to achieve.

I think that in order to be happy, we should follow our dreams. Because if you go walk in the path you know you are meant to take, there's no better place for you to be in than in that lane.

If people are trying to tell you that you cannot and should not reach it, don't listen to them. Because by the end of the day, no matter how impossible your dream is, it's for you to judge whether you cannot and should not reach it yourself.

Don't give up on your dreams and shove yourself something you don't really vision yourself doing happily in the future. Because the people who told you to do the stuff that's "more suited" for you wouldn't get truly happy getting what they want.

Doing what you want and doing what you really think is for you, is something somebody should and could not take away from you.

The process may seem hard and difficult, but you know what they say, there's always a rainbow after the rain. You'll never be given a challenge you cannot overcome.

After all, the more you work for something, the more you deserve getting it afterwards. Nobody's truly happy being handed over everything they ask. Working hard to achieve something makes something more valuable and something valuable should never be taken for granted.

Just remember, follow your dreams. It's YOUR dream, not somebody else's. Nothing and nobody can take it away from you without your consent.

"I hope you live a life you're proud of, and if you find that you're not, I hope you get the courage to start all over again. - Fitzgerald"




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Sorry no pictures, this is a mobile post and soemthing's wrong with my camera roll and my desktop. ㅠㅠ And sorry if the other posts won't have images too :< these have piled up on my drafts. I want my drafts clean for CNY.

Kung hei fat choi! <3




Kissy kissy :*

Signed,

Dearestdenziiee

Insomnia Mania

I don't know if it's the weather or just me in particular, but lately I can't go to bed as early as I want to again. It happens quite often to me, like a few weeks a month.

I don't know how it starts but, one of the nights I'll just lie in bed, staring at nothing, thinking about crazy stuff, worrying about things I shouldn't worry about or, sometimes writing songs or thoughts or doing some sketches. 

Then I realize it's morning already. Usually by that time I see sunlight and I'd feel really irritated. T^T I'd think of what causes it, and blame it on the coffee I drank in the morning, or the chocolates I ate, or drinking alcohol and stuff even though I take them before 12 hours bed.

what did this to me.....

Moreover, that doesn't seem like a valid reason to be up until 5 in the afternoon the day after and going over the process for two to three weeks straight .

It'll make me feel really loud, talkative, creepily cutesy and jumpy and excited over everything. I sing "The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku" on top of my bed with a mic connected to the karaoke in the living room when my mood reaches it's hyperactive state lol lol. But you know, it's fun. I get to do alot of things in a speed of light whenever I feel in high spirits too.

The worst part is when I'd feel really psychotic and imagine stuff.. And when I want something more real, I'll play with my lip tints and collection of knives then try stabbing cushions. It feels uhm... really great and fun. Don't judge me.

But when it subsides, I'd realize I'd unconsciously started to switch in a more hibernating state without fail.

Those days, I lie in bed, I lie in bed, and I.. lie in bed. I even forget to eat sometimes. I'd lock myself in my room for days, going out only to take bathroom breaks. I rarely take a bath when I feel that way. It feels like you don't have the energy nor the motivation to do stuff. Like I'm not my usual happy energetic state.

I have had many troubles while feeling that way, I'd cry because I think I'm not worthy enough and shit. I'd think that I'm fooling myself of the happiness that I'll never get, and non of us was ever truly happy anyway and some other depressing stuff like that. I'd sleep all day then wake up, then sleep again emitting short responses when being talked to.

And the most destructive thing it made me do was not going to school for almost a whole month. It cause me to drag my grades down so badly, I had so much stuff to do and found it very, very, very hard to catch up until this day.

Honestly since 3 years ago I've been thinking about having Bipolar Disorder and even joining communities who suffer such a thing to make sure and some stuff they say are pretty accurate of what and how I feel and the things I act. But I've never had stuff like full-blown manias or anything like most of them had got into so much trouble. So I searched and found shit like ADHD and Seasonal Affective Disorder but I'm not quite sure either. Bu as I stated in my FIRST POST.. I know I'm not normal and I'll never be, so I'll just make the most out of it.

All I learned is, having such mental disorders isn't a joke. It's not something to be taken lightly. You have no idea how hard it is to accept that you don't know who you really are because all this time, all the stuff you do and think about are just "symptoms." You'll end up wondering frustrated, who am I? What am I? And you think it's fun? People not taking you seriously because they think being bipolar is just something to describe people who change mood often. But it's nothing like that. It's something serious and people shouldn't joke and brag about a mental disorder.

About the Mania thing, maybe I'll confirm of having Bipolar Disorder if I had such a destructive episode. After all, almost non of the people I had talked had their explosion after the age of 18. So I'll wait and see. And if i got one.. let's just hope I'll luckily be okay after that. I'm really, really scared out of my t*ts.

For now...

Kissy kissy. :*

more like duck face, sorry. lol

Here's some more of my selcas for yesterday and the day before that. I freakin' love this bun on my head, don't judge me.

I decided to grow out those little hairs I often shave. I hope they don't grow out curly again. T^T

LOL COPYING YESUNG ♥

signed,

Sundate with Eonni and a Whole Night with Morthnyiir

I'm a total introvert. 

I almost never go out outside if I do not have to. If you want to talk to me, or do stuff with me, you'd have to wait for me to be online on twitter/facebook, because I do not have a cellphone at the moment. It's always stolen because I never even charge it for 5 days or more or it's on silent mode or under my bed for days..

That's because I find it totally pointless to pay for load when you can talk to your friends online nowadays. And it's not likely that I want to talk to people anyway all the time. And I also find it pointless to go out and spend money even if you don't have to. I rather have a nice quiet day, recording music, reading mangas, books and play games on my iPod.

I wish it's as peaceful as that everyday!

But there are times I'm forced out of my bed, and go out to eat to celebrate someones payday and see my friends to celebrate someone's birthday like this..

That day I wanted to blog so bad but I didn't have stuff to blog. The only interesting thing I did that day was make really delicious instant ramen. lol. But then carla eonni came home with her pay and told me that she'd treat me out. That's because I always treat her out when I get my allowance leh. Payback time lol.

So I went to get ready and 30 mins, it was an achievement bc I normally take like 2 hours minimum..

Then we went to SLE because we were super hungry and when we got there we didn't know where to start and what to eat, but I was craving for matcha, salty cream, and red beans so so bad and remembered the perfect place to get all three in one~ 

 Welcome to Chatime!

I like this place because every branch looks very clean and modern and all the stuff in there is so good as a beverage and tea lover myself.

Lol I dig stuff with screens
 letting me see what my options are and their prices infront of me

We ordered and they give you this to let you know when your order is ready. I have had lots of fun with stuff like this before, like imagining its a bomb and we lok around how to defuse it before it lights up and vibrates lol lol

it makes me feel like i'm in mobit,
although i wish yesung or jongjin was the one handing me lol lol

They were making our tea right next to us so you know if they put funy stuf in it or like put their finger in while making and scold them off. lol.

When they were almost finished. I saw the red beans and the green tea and the mousse being layered and I was so excited I like said "Omg ate ang sarap~" and the two of the workers loked at me like.. "wtf? is this her first time?!" and I was so embarrassed. But screw them I really really wanted my drink so bad. lol

Then finally, the buzzer went off and  it came it came it came!

Don't that look so heavenly~
Uhh I just ate and it made me hungry again.

Then we went off to browse at the mall to see what we can buy.. It was so freaking cold in the Philippines that day, and my small hands were freezing holding the drink they turned pinker.

After getting some stuf we decided we were really hungry and ate at Bonchon. I was insisting on the seat near he window because it was secluded and had high chairs so it's perfect for selcas and taking pictures because I'm gonna blog the day but the problem was the aircon at the freaking front of the seat nobody dared to sit in there lol.I was alright with it because I love the cold.

I always say that I wont whine when it's cold so it would never be to hot again. Like srsly I hate it when people whine when it's hot and and whine when it's cold. So I made up my mind to never whine when it's cold, it's a rare opportunity when you're in the Philippines.

She was taking the orders and I got so bored and I decided to take pictures even though our seats in the freaking center and people looking at me like, "wtf is that girl doing, is this here first time?" Lol srsly ppl here are so paki-alamero. But I took pictures anyway...

bish pls

So, eonni came with the drinks and I noticed her looking simpler and prettier with no eyeliner. She always put so much eyeliner and almost never leave the house without them. So I took a photo of her and made her see.

Lol what kind of pose is that lmfao

I took a few photos before eating and they looked like crap. Fast food. Oh you. The thing is it tasted like crap too. It was too hard to eat at I spit it out when I take a bite then prepare myself to shove the whole thing inside my mouth becaue my teeth can't cut through them. lol Don't get me wrong, I LOVE KOREAN CHICKEN but this one here, not so much.

i got a bit shy and hid my phone this time lol

So we decided to go home because I have to leave at 8 because LSG Girls were waiting for me in Mcdonalds near home. So we rode a tricycle. When we got on, I got surprised when the lights turned on inside. It was so pretty.

Pretty enough for phone wallpaper lol
Looks like bokeh huh?

So we took pictures inside even if it was freaking windy and shaky.. It felt like a club picture lol

tugs tugs~
now this is what i call patok tricycle lmfao

aww yeah

I do not know how eonni managed to read that pulp mag
but I guess she was skimming through to see if it had her face
 in the edition where it featured Super Junior Super show 5.

Look! Kyu! Lol as if you can see clearly

We went home and hear martina crying out "Nonat~ Asan nonat~" She was expecting doughnuts lmao. I told eonni to buy her some and come wih me because LSG Girls were waiting for me at McDonald's and it was near Dunkin' Donuts.

On our way there I saw Joshu. He was waiting for JA so I decided to stay there with him because we were all going to Ivan's place, and moments later, JA came. We crossed the street to Mcdonalds and upon entering I spot the girls just finished eating and I was like "Hey bishes, I brought monsters!" and we started chatting loudly and pestering customers lol lol. They told me it was just the perfect timing that I brought them there bc the girls didn't know where Ivan's new house is. So we went off together.

JA was hiding wtf camera shy your face

At the jeepney~ lol Ja lol lol lol mukhang mama eh no.

When we got there, some of the boys were there already and Gabby was wearing something freaking ridiculous lmfao. Upon entering the house we were greeted by a fondant wedding cake Ivan's mom made. She bakes cakes, cupcakes and pastries for a living.

while waiting for others~ selca lol

I insisted Kiahra to let me take a picture of her "braces" but she got all shy and kept on pulling this face off because there wasn't any below there lol

wtf look silly leh hahaha

But after insisting, she finally smiled and showed them lol always have to insist with this girl.

That Choding~ (eye smile)

Afterwards, we were told to eat but I was still so damn full T^T Those chicken I shoved in my mouth whole and Large matcha with lots of red beans were so heavy on my stomach so I just took pictures with them for a while..

with medz and cass ^^

chloe, kiahra and marc joined in ^^

They looked so packed in there so i decided to take a picture of them lol lol
Stairway to heaven~ yeah die bishes. loljk jk

We watched a movie whcih they turned off suddenly bummer it was fun too. Then I borrowed a straw hat which turned out to be Ivan's. And I looked so cute in it and found a dozen of lollipops and grabbed them. Ending was the whole night I was sucking on a lollipop that I did not even bring my lip stain out anymore because my lips, mouth, teeth and tongue and all were stained red already lol. I camho with all of them Morthnyiir while sucking one everytime lol

suckarrrrr lolol

I know this is rare I take pictures with this particular people but I was bored and I missed both of them ^^ plus I looked so good lol jk

with carlos and katrina ^^

They made drinks with lots of colors which were so strong, it tasted like asjdgasjdgakhdahda. lol and we took lots of photos together but they were not uploaded yet by them they're so slow lah. So far this is the only one uploaded...

Afterwards, Ivan turned the lights off to get the mood on and play spin the bottle and 5 minutes in heaven lol lol lol the lights reminded me of the lights on the tricycle I rode with eonni lmao lmao

Not all people wanted to participate so we stopped it and just chilled and told stories and they made more drinks. I slept for a bit. It was so freaking comfortable I swear. I've never been so comfortable like that in my room lol

After waking up I chatted with others and took more selcas with my straw hat and lollipops. ^o^

I. Love. This. One.
Right? I so pretty here. lol

We all decided to go home at around 5:30 a.m because there wasn't anything to do anymore and almost everyone's asleep. Some didn't want to catch the morning light anymore. Such nocturnals. So we all left together, some of them went to eat breakfast but I decided to go home already and damn was it the worst decision I made this year. Lol.

So yeah, I was glad I had alot of fun during my rare days out and with these people, because i had a really ugly day afterwards.. T^T

Now I'm off to clean my room and take a nice cool refreshing foamy bath so I can relax until I can fall asleep with Eru. ♥

Kisy kissy from Ivan's mom's pre ordered wedding cake~

I hope the couple who ordered it will have
 a really lovey dovey marriage~ ♥

 Take care everyone and please be happy! ♥

And thank you for reading up to here ^o^

Signed,