Lows

I hate talking about this. I really do.

But something in me tells me I should.

In the past post somewhere I told you I don't know whether I have bipolar disorder.

Because yeah, the past two months have been crazy for me to the point i had to go back to hell and see if it's any better here.

Aaaaand i think I have transitioned from my very high highs to my really low lows again.

Part of me accepted long ago that this happens and will happen quite alot.

But when you get mania you feel like everything's gonna be okay. You're amazing, you can handle everything.

And that led me to go here, take on AALLLL these adult tasks... and two months from then........

I have not achieved anything.

Yeap. It. All. Went. Spiraling. Down. Once. Fucking. Again.

Being hopeful when you're on the lowest side of the pole isn't gonna happen.

I keep wondering where the old I can do anything me went.

And I don't know if I'm just trying to justify myself with this bipolar thing or I'n just a failure.

I seriously will not be okay if this goes on. 

History has repeated itself. It's that long loooong year I don't have anything happening all over again.

I might delete this but i'll let it stay here